Missing Mom

Tomorrow marks six months since Mom died. It is funny because ever since I can remember, I worried about my mom dying. Who would love me and take care of me I would think and I prayed diligently that she would be safe. Now that it has really happened, it is no less hard that I am all grown up with children and a grandchild of my own. I still feel that loss and wonder, who will take care of me and love me, like a mother? For there really is no one like a mother. I am so thankful that I had her as long as I did. Although, I would have enjoyed a few more years! I think of her everyday. I stop at her house to check the mail and sometimes I even think I can hear her call my name. I realized today that I really need to do something about her house. Almost everything is exactly how it was six months ago. I have not even taken out the trash in the bathroom or family room. It is like one day I will walk in and see her there waiting for me. You never really understand how much you love some one until you lose them. Nor can you ever imagine how much you will miss them. I thought today of all the things I miss

1. the knitting projects she was always working on

2. hearing about lunch with the denim girls

3. asking me what plastic canvas door hanging I wanted next

4. hearing about the interesting things that happened at the family history center

5. being told I was working too hard. Me?

6. hearing, "ummmm this tastes so good"

7. asking me what can I do to help you?

8. asking me what Katie and Josie would want for their birthdays

9. saying how much she loved that baby

10. hearing her tell me how proud she was of each of her grandchildren

11. seeing her out weeding her flowers

12. seeing her out trimming her roses

13. fresh roses in a vase on her table

14. telling me, "I love you"

15. petting Tundra and giving her treats

16. coming through the gate

17. seeing her at the organ

18. hearing her play the organ

19. hearing her play the piano

20. listening to my woes

21. seeing her door decorations change

22. seeing her in her robe all ready to go somewhere special ready to put on her dress at the last minute.

23. eating Sunday dinner with us

24. celebrating Christmas with her

25. coloring Easter eggs with her

26. Easter egg hunts in her back yard where the eggs are hidden over and over, everyone taking a turn to hide them

27. Missouri cookies rolled into egg shapes

28. special chocolate in the cookie jar just for me

29. cookies in the cookie drawer

30. the smell of a freshly baked pie

31. birthday lunches

32. laughing together

33. talking together

34. crying together

35. remembering Margaret together

36. hearing about the cute things I did as a little girl

37. trips to the grocery store together

38. always being there for me

39. her smile

40. her laugh

41. her voice

42. her love

43. her hugs

44. her joy over little things

45. her kindness

46. her patience

47. her example of service

48. her sense of humor

49. her testimony

50. dress shopping

51. surprises

52. her never ending support of everything I did.

53. her kiss

Thank you, Mom, for making me the person that I am!

This is the first list I have been prompted to fill out as it seemed rather interesting. Thank you, Katie!

1. You are sitting at the computer. Then the zombies attack. What is your plan of action? I don't believe in Zombies so they could not attack.

2.What is your favorite scar? How did you get it? The scar the right side of my upper body. I got it from a surgery that helped to save my life. It is my favorite because it healed so nicely and looks good.

3.What is your deepest fear? Losing my family.

4. Have you done anything illegal? (aside from under age drinking, unless you can give us a great story about it)Driving the wrong way down a one way street. Not the smartest thing to do! But, I had always wanted to do it. It was exhilarating!

5.Tell us about your birthmark. A purple and red bruise look a like on the understand of the top of my right arm. When I wear short sleeves I have people ask me if Ray is hurting me. Are you kidding me? Ray hurt anyone let alone me? He does not have a violent bone in his body.

6.During your childhood, what did you do that your mother would have killed you for had she found out? My mother found out EVERYTHING I ever did, except driving the wrong way down second avenue. However, she would not have killed me. She would have worried that I could have been killed.

7.What is your favorite sense?( Sight, smell, etc...) It is a toss up between hearing and seeing!

8.What do other people do that drives you insane? Not do what I ask them to do and not do what is obvious that needs to be done.

9.What was your most embarrassing moment? In high school I fell up the same stair case at the same time three days in a row in front of the same boys.

10. What was the coolest thing that you have ever created?( or planned to create) Well, I would like to say my children first. And then the first pieced quilt I made. I love it! I gave it to Ray for a present so I could keep it.

11. When you were a kid, what did you just not understand until you were older? That when people died they were never ever coming back.

12.If you could take a trip anywhere where would you be headed? Butler, PA to see Nathan, Katie and Josie. Then to Alaska as my Grandpa surveyed the Alaskan part of the AlCan highway and I have always wanted to see it.

13. What is your current addiction? Mini m&m's or the chocolate off of peanut m&m's.

14.What do you think everyone should experience at least once? The wonder of a new born child.
15.What is your ultimate breakfast? Egg white vegetable omelet with salsa. Yummy!

16.If you could recommend any website, due to its high humor content, what would you recommend? I have no idea as I do not go on the web very often. But following Lauren's blog is great for dry humor especially her book review.

17.You are walking down the street and the zombies attack. What is your plan of action now?Since I do not believe in Zombies, they would not attack me.

18.What was your favorite TV show as a kid?The Wonderful World of Disney.

19. Please elaborate on your theory as to why the TV remote control has to many unused buttons? I think they must all have a use, you just have to read the instructions and then REMEMBER what they said.IF you can find the instructions and IF they are understandable. Ha ha!

20.What was the longest you have ever stayed awake? Why? Just last week I stayed awake from 5:30 Monday morning until 11:30 Tuesday night. Not for any special reason, just because of all the Mountain Dew I drank that was supposed to keep me awake on my trip to and from Cedar City to spend the day with Lauren. You must know that I used to believe that sleeping was a waste of time so I only slept four hours a day. I do not believe that any more and appreciate my sleep.

Spanish Sabbath

Sister J, late of northern Spain, spoke in our Sacrament meeting with her parents. Their topic was "covenants".

A covenant is an agreement between God and His children. He gives the conditions, we agree to be obedient, and He gives us blessings. His promises are sure. He never changes his mind or says just kidding. He is His word and we can depend on it. Aunt P. continues by telling us her life is enriched because she entered into covenants with God. Renewing the covenants we have made is vital. It helps us remember to keep those covenants. Life is sacred, spiritual and eternal. We can live happily ever after on a daily basis.

Uncle S. reminded us that we have revealed truth and if we apply that truth to how we live our lives, our problems can be solved. When someone is born in the covenant, they are protected. They have parents who love, cherish, and teach them. Our Father in Heaven nurtures us all the way from infancy to prepare to make covenant.

Sweet Sister J told us what a pleasure it was for her to serve a mission at the same time her two brothers are serving. A covenant is a special relationship with the Lord in which He rewards us. Missionary work is a daily reminder of making and keeping covenants. Sister J reminds us that 3 Nephi 5:13 reads, "I am a disciple of Jesus Christ..." and encourages us to make that a part of who we are. She said she loved sharing the message that we can live with our families forever. The Lord deals with us on a personal and individual basis all the way through our loves. Our baby blessing, baptism, confirmation, ordination to the Priesthood (for young men), temple endowment and sealing are all done individually. As one person we each are developing a personal relationship with our Father in Heaven. We want to live so as the receive the greatest gift Heavenly Father can give us, celestial life with our family.

By living the Gospel of Jesus Christ, we are truly happy.

I attended Young Women in the Pioneer 5th branch. We had a great lesson, in Spanish, about the sacred roles of women. I could not understand all of it, but enough so as to understand the concepts and to feel abundantly of the spirit. The young men and young women met together. I was astounded at how attentive the young men were to the sisters giving the lesson.

So, today, I heard from a missionary just home three days from Spain and her Spanish testimony and then three more testimonies in Spanish from young women leaders in the Pioneer 5th branch. It is true when they say the language of the spirit is Spanish!

Join Me!

Saturday May 9 I will be running/walking in the Komen Race for the Cure. Please join me in this very worthy cause. You can join my team by going to www.komenslc.org and choosing Catherine's Crew for your team. If you cannot join us, you may make a donation through our team. I say "our" because my girls and I are going to race, well you know what I mean.

Fifteen years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. After undergoing surgery and chemo-therapy, I have been cancer free for fourteen years this very month! Because my mom so generously supported the Komen Foundation, I have decided to honor her by joining in the race and raising as much money as I can.

So, join us if you can. We will have a lot of fun! Registration is at 7:00 a.m. The race starts at 8:30 a.m. on the corner of 300 West South Temple (Gateway Mall) in Salt Lake and is scheduled to end at 9:45.

Satisfying Saturday

The highlight of our day was a call from Josie, "Hi! I uv oo, Gramma. Talk Papa, talk papa." We did this several times. She also told me about, "Elmo moomee," and "Peabutter jelly." It was a delightful time for Ray and I.

We decided to have a little fun today and so hit the RV show at the Southtowne Expo Center. For those of you who know us, can you believe we did that? We had to navigate through several of our least favorite activities: traffic, crowds, walking. We had a fun time together.

We ate a Sweet Tomatoes for a lunch-dinner. I love eating there. They have the best salad bar and to top it off, yummy apple bran muffins. Heaven!

Inspired by Shannon I went looking for signs of spring. I heard birds singing and even saw one!

Our backyard garden spot is still covered with snow.

Spearmint poking through the snow:

Crocus poking through Katie's flowerbed:

Buds on the baby tree in our front yard:

Crocus poking their little heads out in front of the church:

Spring really is on its way!

Late this afternoon I had the privilege to hear a little voice over the phone saying, "I love you, Grandma." Phone calls like that just make my day. Thank you, Katie, for sharing those precious moments!

I tried a new yarn. What do you all think? Would you put this on your little girl's head?


I took two hats across the street to the D sisters. They are darling baby girls who are only 9 months apart. They love each other and love playing with each other. It is so sweet. The 15 month old loved her hat - putting it on and taking it off and putting it on and taking it off and swinging it around and starting all over again. Talking the whole time telling me all about it. She was so cute! The 6 month old just tolerated wearing her hat. However, she let me hold her and kiss her and have a general good baby time.

Thankful Thursday

Today I went to the State Capital as it was Mental Health Day. I love the beehives on the doors...

beehive crests on the stairwells...

and Brigham Young!

When I returned, I served black beans and rice to 50 people. Thanks to Stacie, Stu and Jenny.

I am thankful for beehives because they represent hard work.

I am thankful for Brigham Young who led us to this place.

I am thankful to live where it is clean.

I am thankful for the people with whom I work. I could not do what I do without them!

I am thankful for Nathan who calls me so I can talk to he and Josie.

I am thankful for Josie.

I am thankful Josie can talk.

I am thankful I can hear Josie say, "I love you, Grandma."

Pretty in Pink

Saturday at WalMart while I was out buying new bathroom accessories, I saw my friend Carrie. It seems that is our new meeting place now that she is a mom. On the head of her darling baby girl was the cutest hat. Carrie had whipped it up herself and allowed me to borrow her design. So, I dug through my yarn drawer and came up with this. Isn't it cute?

The Proof is in the Pictures

My new toothbrush holder holding, yes! toothbrushes. Mine, Ray's and Lauren's .

My new white shower curtain. Now I need a new rod, I have the one picked out, silver with white ceramic ends. I am too cheap to go and buy it just yet. This picture also points out that I need a new mirror with a silver frame. I have that picked out, too, but you guessed it, I am too cheap to go and buy it!

Flowered shoes that perfectly go with my flowered dress!

Red shoes, I can NEVER have enough red things and not only are they cute, but they feel good on my feet!

What I was really looking for, a new pair of comfortable black flats! I purchased $80 worth of shoes for $24.50. If you count the pair Lauren got, it was more like $100 worth of shoes for 28.50!

Valentine Extravaganza

I got up at 5:30 this morning, showered, dressed, jumped into the car and drove to Cedar City with a stop in Fillmore.

Lauren and I spent five fun hours shopping, eating lunch and shopping and more shopping. We tried on shoes and clothes and had a glorious time!

On the way home, I perseverated about a pair of shoes we saw and had to stop at all the Payless Shoes stores and Walmarts I went by. Boy howdy! I got two more pairs of shoes, that makes a total of three pairs for today. And, the shower curtain I wanted on sale for half price. Wow! Now my bathroom looks the way I want it to. White definitely tones down the pale green walls. I thought I wanted color on my walls and started with the bathroom. I think I am a white wall girl at heart!

I called the day my Valentine Extravaganza! It is always a great weekend when I can give myself an excuse to buy what I want. Thank you, Ray! He is a most patient partner. He stayed in Provo working while I was out having fun.

I Take the Challenge

Okay, I admit it, I am hoping to get something creative from Katie, Katie and Lauren. Hint. Hint! They are three VERY creative young women!

The first five people to leave a comment on this blog will receive something made by me. However there are some limitations:
1. I make no guarantee that you will like what I make.
2. What I create will be just for you.
3. It will be done this year. (might take a while)
4. You have not clue what it is going to be, a photo, something I have craftily put together, or sewn. I may bake something and mail it you . Who knows? Not you that's for sure!
5. I reserve the right to do something extremely strange. It may blow your mind!
Here is the catch, if you choose to do this. You must post this on your blog and be ready to make something for five people too. This will be fun! When you receive the fabulous item I make you, you must post a picture of it on your blog. Not because I am so awesome, but because that is part of the rules. If I do not know you and do not have your address, be prepared to give it up if you want the goods. If you do not wish to give a total stranger your personal address, I will move on to the next post.
I intended this blog to be specifically for documenting thoughts, photos and daily activities for my posterity, but this is too fun. I will delete the post after a week or so and have all the info from the first five commenters.

Be an Example of the Believers

Our faith is based in Jesus Christ, our Savior..."And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins." (2 Nephi 25:26 ) Our lives should reflect that faith. Our interactions with our children and families should reflect that faith. How we treat others should be a reflection of what we believe. This is something I have been thinking about and which Ray spoke of this morning. By the way, he gave an awesome talk!



The following scripture helps us understand how to reflect that faith, "Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity." (1 Timothy 4:12 ) We can be an example!

1. In word by carefully choosing the words we speak and by sharing what we know.

2. In conversation by how we life our life and how we treat others.

3. In charity by truly loving those around us without any conditions as our Savior does.

4. In spirit we are daughters and sons of our Heavenly Father and as such are eternal beings.

5. In faith by living what we believe and truly relying on our Savior

6. In purity by keeping ourselves clean by making righteous choices in every aspect of our life.



So, I ask myself, am I being an example in everything I do and say? When others see me, do they see who I really am? Do they want to know more? Am I a help or a hindrance to their faith? Ummm I think I have a lot to work on so that I can be an example of the believers! How about you?

Friday night was our ward Valentine party. We always have a dance. With a DJ. And family/couple photos. It is always a lot of fun. It is fun to watch the little children, and big, dance. It is fun to dance yourself. It is really fun to watch our ward ballroom dance couple dance. They really burn up the floor. Ray and I shared a dance together. Katie even came over and spent some time with us. Rat entertained the non-dancing kids way from the loud music and flashing lights. They had a terrific time with him. So did I. The food was good: veggies, fruit and sweet treats. Pam really knows how to throw a party. Thank you, Pam!

We have had a series of snow storms blow in every other day this week. Snow in the morning, sun in the afternoon, more snow at night and the next day clear and bright. This morning was no different. Hoping the snow was going north, Ray and I got in our car and started toward Cedar City. We should have known when we saw the car that had hit the median wall before the south Provo exit that the roads might be a little slick. The snow got thicker and thicker and the roads became snow packed even though we could tell the plow had been ahead of us. A jack-knifed truck just past Mona brought us to our senses. I called Lauren while Ray got off at Nephi just to turn around to return to Provo. Of course, as it was just after 8:00 a.m. I awoke Lauren. The skies were clear out her window, but she checked the Internet and there was a winter storm warning for Fillmore. There are four major mountain ranges to cross to get to Cedar City. And, it had taken us over 45 minutes to go about 30 miles. Sad for us and sad for Lauren. I was looking forward to a little Cedar City shopping with Lauren, really!

It snowed all day long, intermingled with sunshine, yes the sun was shining while it was snowing. Alas, the sun brought no warmth! We ended up with about four inches of beautiful Utah powder. Perfect ski weather, intermittent sunny skies and brand new powder.

The love of my life spent the whole day with me. Apart from helping the scouts pick up food for the food bank and plowing the walks around the block and at the church. We gave ourselves new bathroom accessories. Seeing as I am extremely frugal and could not bring myself to buy new things when the old things were still good, it was extremely gratifying. Oh dear, I think I am showing my age. We had a nice grilled steak (thanks to Lauren's GF grill), baked potato and asparagus dinner. It was yummy. Dessert was chocolate pudding and fresh strawberries topped with whipped cream. Double yummy.

All in all a very satisfying Valentine weekend. I am thankful for this time of my life. I am thankful for love. I am thankful for my true loves, Lauren, Megan, Katie, Nathan, Katie and Josie and best of all Ray. I am thankful for good friends. I am thankful for extended family.

I love all of you!

Forever Friends, Forever Family

Tuesday evening I drove to Draper to visit the person who has known me the longest. It feels like she has known me as long as my mom has, but really she has only known me since I was seven. She had flown in from Tacoma to watch her grandchildren while her son and his wife went on a cruise. Cool grandma, huh?

My first memories of Jackie are sitting in her front room at her piano learning where my fingers belonged on the piano keys. A baby was asleep in her bassinet and music was playing in the background. Talk about a cool mom.

Once a week I would walk from school with my piano books to take my piano lesson. Unfortunately I was so unsure of myself, that I would never play in front of people and so I just play for myself.

After time passed, I would walk from school to her house to just talk to her and play with her children. I spent many hours in the summer just hanging out with them.

Soon they moved next door to a big old Victorian style house. I spent lots of time in that home. I remember the time her youngest son who was in the bathroom (the bathroom was on a landing between the the upstairs and downstairs-I should say the back stairs not the main ones) called, "Mom, tell that 'gril' (me) to come and wipe my bottom!" We still laugh about it. He always wanted me to help him.

My mom tells me that she would try to tell me something and I would not listen, but then I would come home from Jackie's house and say, "Guess what Jackie told me..." and it would be exactly what mom would be trying to teach me. Later when I was married, mom told me just how important Jackie was in our lives.

One of my very first memories of my mom's words of wisdom happened after Jackie lost a baby. It was soon after my sister died. Jackie told mom that she, Jackie, should be comforting mom. My mom told her, "I had five wonderful years with Margaret, you did not get anytime with your baby." That is the kind of mom I have. Jackie still remembers those words. Many years later Jackie lost her oldest son in a terrible car accident. It was a horrible time for everyone. Once again, my mom was able to comfort her friend.

Ray had to pass Jackie's inspection before I could marry him. And then she gave us a wonderful luncheon in her home after we took out our endowments. That was her proof of her stamp of approval.

Jackie was my escort when I went through the temple the first time. My mom went through for the first time on the very same day. We went through the Salt Lake Temple. I had loved it since I was a little girl. It was a wonderful experience. Then she and her husband traveled to Manti to witness our sealing.

Even though I have not seen her for years, it felt just like yesterday the minute I saw her. We hugged each other and sat down to talk and talk and talk...

We had a lot to catch up on. We talked about loved ones now gone, but whom we both knew and loved. It was so comforting for me.

Jackie has always been my other mother. Truly. I am so thankful for her. I thankful that she still loves me just like she did when I was seven.

Jackie knows me. Jackie knows Margaret. Jackie knows Dad. Jackie knows Mom.

Jackie has mourned with me through the loss of my sister, my dad, my mom.

Jackie has celebrated with me over my marriage, the birth of each of my children, and even my darling grand baby.

She is my other mother.

Eternal is forever.

Thank you, Jackie!